Where there’s smoke there’s fire…

Several squash players at the club read this blog and got upset over what I’d written.

I was amazed. I didn’t think anyone other than my mother had read it. I haven’t pushed On the Mat even though it’s on the web for anyone to read. You have to work to find it. I don’t post regularly. I write it for myself.

That posting was mostly about me and how when the competitive juices start flowing, I can unravel. Many athletes have this challenge – look at Jeremy Shockey.

But he’s a professional. I play squash for fun, and the match referenced in that posting wasn’t.

I’d spoken directly with that player immediately after the game. He apologized and said that he meant that comment as a complement. He’s a nice guy, but he’s got a temper on the court; and what was most unnerving about it, was that I saw myself in his anger. That was what my last posting was all about.

The story of what transpired during that match took on a whole new dimension at the club: what I said, what he said. It’s not worth trying to set the record straight here.

The point of the posting was the fact that I needed to address how I react under pressure during competition. Now the question is: how do I react now that a bunch of guys at the squash club are up in arms?

My knee-jerk reaction is to drop out of the ladder. But it might be good to stay on. I desperately need the exercise and now that I’ve worked my way up to the 2nd group, I’ll get challenging games. Most I’ll probably lose, and that’s okay. I need the cardio and the practice of being put under pressure. This isn’t meant to be disrespectful to players in group 3 and 4, but for the most part, there’s a huge gap between two and three.

The same can be said at the top of the ladder. There are 3 or 4 guys so good; I rarely can win a game off of them, let alone a match.

But I am sorry for the guy that I played, because it appears as if I’ve singled him out here. That wasn’t my intention, and I will apologize. I truly never thought anyone from the club read this. My guess is, most haven’t, but that won’t prevent them from having an opinion about it. Besides, Chuck Morgan helps me write this and often we take his experience and blend it -- that was the whole purpose of the two blogs on blogger.com -- to push the envelope,blur fact and fiction. Sometimes that edge cuts; in this case, it cut both ways...

I guess that’s the way these things work…

Competition brings out the best and worst in me...

I've returned to playing squash competitively.

I'm on a ladder at the club where I do yoga. At one point I was one of the top ten players in the area. I was injured and have only just returned to action. I'm working my way back up. I normally played in the first and second groups. I started this year in group four and killed everyone. The same is happening this month in group three.

I'm trying to not squash folks in this bracket. Most of these players don't have good technique, but some are fit and try to make up for it by running wild about the court and hitting the ball as hard as possible. I try to keep it in play so that the game doesn't end too fast.

Today a young man beat me in the first game 9-6. He chased everything down. He hit very hard. I didn't want to push myself early. I was learning his game and would make adjustments so that I could win but not expose myself to his wide swing (lots of folks get hit hard by wide swingers).

As we were about to start the 2nd game he said, "I was told to be scared of you. I thought it would be great just to get a few points. Now that I've taken one game off you, I want more."

There was a glint in his eyes, and he was licking his chops.

I was taken back by the comment. I forgot about how competitive it can get on the ladder.

I started to steam and proceeded to pound him 9-1. I took the next one 9-2.

In the fourth I let up. To his credit he kept fighting, but also, he was cursing every time he made a bad shot. He threw his racket several times too. He was having trouble because I was controlling the points and forcing him into errors.

I just wanted the match to end so I could get off the court and go into yoga. His vibe really bummed me out.

I'm thinking about dropping off the ladder now. But maybe I need to confront this head on. Part of what disturb me today was the fact that his actions affected me so. I was angry at his comments. I should have just let it all flow through me.

I didn't play my best squash today. I let someone drag me down to their level and that's never a good idea. I wonder how yoga can help...

Keep the mouse in the barn...

I've been sick this week, but I've managed a little yoga.

Today was my first class in awhile. I was focused inward, my mind was quiet, I had a great session and hardly noticed anyone around me.

At the end of class, the instructor said, there's no easy way to say this, but for the gentlemen in the room (of which there were three), please keep the mouse in the barn.

There was a murmur across the studio floor, I hadn't heard what she said, and I guess others hadn't either, because she repeated it.

There was silence and folks started rolling up their mats. I had no idea what she said, but I knew there was a one in three chance she was talking to me. Had I checked out some girls boobs inadvertently, had I farted, or did I have excessive BO? I didn't know.

In the hall I asked a friend of mine, a woman in her early sixties. She laughed. "The guy across the way," she said, "his balls were hanging out when we were in shoulder stand."

The mouse in the barn.

I was just relieved it had nothing to do with me.