yoga excursion

Took a class last night at the Sewannee Community Center with about ten others from the writers' conference (only women from the conference came). But the teacher was a guy and he was very experienced -- had taught for forty years, and he had the confidence to push the class, but many thought he pushed too hard, and I agree.

Perhaps he was just thrilled to have a roomful of new students (some quite advanced), but he had us in positions like head stand, and most teachers would never go there with a class full of new students.

He instructed us to keep our eyes shut for most postures to allow us to focus inward, and I like that, but he would swing by and assist us, and he pushed the woman next to me too far, and she was upset (rightly so, and she's a yoga instructor).

Yoga is about leaving your ego at the door, but often the biggest ego in the room is the instructor. Yoga has taught me humility, but I still struggle with that because I often think I'm hot shit, the smartest guy in the room.

Even here at Sewannee where virtually everyone has an advanced degree in English, I sometimes feel superior. I work harder than most and I think I know more about the real world. I believe I have more courage to write truth.

Since I have no life outside of my writing at the moment, I probably do work harder than most, but how could I possible know what these people have experienced? How could I know anything about their truths or their ability to capture it in words?

It's clear I have much still to learn.

Ego

A Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award author told me at dinner last night that he's been teaching for over twenty-years at workshops like this and he's only come across 3-4 real writers. He said I was number five...

I've been writing full-time for eight years and been rejected hundreds of times. I just completed my third novel and I still don't have an agent, so hearing something like that, was most gratifying.

I have no idea what the implications are, but my ego started strutted it's stuff.

I'm not advanced enough in my practice to contain it, but at some point, I did get a leash on it. Still, it kept me up most of the night, and here I am at 5 am writing (I'm on central time, but this documents on eastern).

Of course when I returned to my room last night, there was a rejection email from the New York Time's Modern Love department -- I'd written a piece based on my new novel -- so no matter how big my ego balloons, there's always something around the corner to burst it.

One day I'll be able to keep that damn thing in a shoe box under the bed...until then I must remember how humbling my first two years of doing yoga were

The Yoga Snob

I'm at the Sewanee Writers' Conference and those into yoga are finding one another.

Rumor has it there's a class at a community center in town and some of us will try to make that. One woman I met said she's doing it in her room (like me), but she isn't pushing herself, so we might get together, then I found out a woman here wrote a book about going to India and studying with Iyengar, one of the big wigs. It would be the pop music equivalent of studying with Paul McCartney in Liverpool.

i thought that was so cool so I asked her if she'd like to lead a few of us fledglings in a session -- or join us at the community center -- she said she couldn't, that she teaches privately and charges a lot of money for that, the thought of the community center seemed to pain her, but she did offer to be in a room with us, each doing our own thing, with the rule that there'd be no talking...

hey, whatever, but yoga isn't just about excelling in postures, it's about finding calm in yourself, it's about letting go of ego and humility. Maybe i just don't get it because i'm not advanced enough -- but you know what, if I'd had the chance to study with fucking Budha, I'd still be up for a session with the local Sewanee community center because the wisdom of the world might just be underneath a stone in the most backward of locations -- and i'm willing to bet Budha knew that too...

smoke and in-line at the rental car

no class today, but...

on the plane i did a bit, and then in the very long line at the budget car rental, i did a few poses, mountain to start, concentrating on the breathing...

the guy behind was fuming because the guy behind him was yakking on a cell phone -- giving his secretary an earful over what, who cares --

i did a few deep forward bends, i twisted to the right, and to the left -- the line was taking forever, but it didn't matter because my mind was quiet...

now i'm at the hotel trying to sort out a few things -- it was great to be able to check in early -- even scored a little breakfast in the lounge -- but the lounge reeked of cigarettes -- it's a bar at night, complimentary breakfast in the morning...

smoking is still allowed here in restaurants -- it's quite a shock when you aren't used to it -- man, it stunk...

but the people are nice -- now if they could just get the tobacco lobby to chill...

on the road with the mat...

i took my last class today at home...

now the challenge will be to keep the practice up while I'm in Tennesee...

i've got my mat, but there's lots of places you can do yoga, even in the plane, so there really is no excuse...

but it's amazing how many I can come up with

the ammachi

The Hugging Saint was in NYC this weekend and I went down for my annual hug.

It's my fourth year, and each trip is a unique experience...

I must confess that I'm a healthy sceptic, but there's no doubt this woman has a prescence that's undeniable. I felt it most today when she and her retinue (posse?) entered the builiding. The place went silent, and there was the jingle of bells, a bit of chanting from her crew, the air suddenly washed over me and and I felt a comfort that made me totally relaxed, as if i was home on a sunday with the paper and fire going...

I have a friend who travels in her inner circle and that's created an interesting window into her operation. Her outreach grows more powerful each year and her ability to help the poor and needy is impressive - how she hugs thousands a day I still don't understand -- she hardly sleeps, she doesn't eat much either --

there's defintely something powerful about her -- what it is, I still don't know, but it's worth seeing for yourself -- she'll be in NY over this weekend and then up to Boston. There's a link on this site to hers ...

I'll write more about my experience this week on my web site...

competition -- does winning matter?

Since I started doing yoga I haven't had as much hunger to win -- I'm playing tennis and squash and I love the dance of a good point, i like the focus and demands on my stamina -- but I don't have that killer instinct required to win...

it doesn't really matter when you're just out there having fun, but as you progress in a competitive sport, the intensity ratchets up -- winning requires a take no prisoners attitude -- you can't get rattled by unsportsmanship either -- the world cup head butting is a great example -- at that level -- you can not allow the opposition to get in your head like that -- it is unprofessional --yes, he could have really hurt that guy, but what he ended up doing was hurting his team because he lost his focus, his cool, he allowed that guy to get into his head --

professional athletes are constantly looking for any advantage they can get -- if taunting works, and it's allowed in the rules, it's fair game...

i used to thrive in that environment and I still enjoy a good battle now and then, but my struggle now is an internal fight, it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing -- on the mat is all that matters to me anymore...

wednesday rain

i'm not sure this summer is ever going to dry out, and this humidity does cause me to sweat more and that makes the mat slippery.

but that forces me to focus more -- to keep my mind quiet and alert, to make sure my breathing is consistent, my alignment in order, my grounding solid...

too often i'm somewhere else when i'm on my mat, but when it's slip and slide, i can't afford to drift out of the room, i must stay in the moment, be present...

and ultimately, that's much of what yoga is suppossed to do for you...

so let it rain...

Two classes today

I ended going to an evening class with a friend i hadn't seen in awhile.

I'd already done a morning session and rode my bike so i used this evening as a restorative class.

i focused on breathing and relaxing -- i had a busy day -- submitting two short stories to my editor -- the stories are going to West Magazine -- which is overseen by Amy Tan -- so it's a pretty big deal for me to get these right...

anyway -- class this evening was good
the instructor has come along way from the first classes she taught over a year ago -- she's an interesting person and for awhile she and i hung out -- nothing ever happened there -- nor would it, she was married, but it was an odd connection that at some point i need to explore more in my writing...

okay enough

namaste

Yoga and the bicycle

I rode to yoga class today instead of taking my car.

It's a great warm up, and it's a nice way to wind down on the way back. I circle by the beach and take in the sea air.

Whenever I'm on my bike, I feel like a kid again, the way I was, when the bike was my only mode of transportation.

They say yoga can recapture that youthful spirit, in conjunction with other activities, it's even more powerful. This morning i could have sworn it was 1968...

the good and bad of sundays

I take a variety of classes from different instructors. They're all good and i like the change.

Sunday is my earliest class -- 9:30

I prefer 10:45 because that gives me a few hours of writing before I go -- typically i do nothing but read the paper before the sunday class.

Sundays usually has the most men, and i like that. not that i have anything against being the only guy in a class, which is typical during the week, but there's something about the mixed energy that works for me.

the male/female -- balance -- ying/yang is interesting for lots of reasons...

I wrote about this in my new novel -- most guys assumed i was either gay or trying to hit up on chicks, when they saw me with my yoga mat.

i've taken classes for well over two years now and I've never hit upon anyone in class -- in my book, Chuck has taken the same position on the matter, and one of his friends tells him that this is his fundamental problem

he says -- chuck could stand in a brothel with a hundred-dollar bill plastered to his forehead and he'd still not get laid...

Yoga Journal this month has in big letters on the cover -- Sex and Yoga...

Please -- crass-comercialism --

but i still enjoy reading magazine even though most of it's written for a female audience.

and that's the view this sunday in early July...

Why I'm Doing This

I'm about to go on the road for six weeks and I'm afraid that I won't get on the mat.

The commitment to write about what happens there is another way I can get myself to it.

Often I find that to be the hardest part of my practice, but once I'm there, I'm there.

I take five to six classes a week, sometimes I take two in a day, and I've been doing this for almost three years now.

I'm amazed that I stuck at it because I went into to it with mixed motivations, not all as pure as I'd care to admit. I've written about it in my new novel, and I'll talk more about that when appropriate.

For the moment, it's about the me on the mat and tomorrow I'm shooting for the 9:30 class at my local yoga center.

rsw