The Substitute...

Expectations.

I show up for a class expecting a certain type of experience depending on the teacher, but when the teacher is absent, it's pot luck because the substitute does his or her own thing.

I'm cool with that, ready to go with the flow, to embrace the unexpected, but not everyone is so keen.

Today we had a teacher who takes a slow build to the class. I prefer that because it takes my body time to warm up, but the woman next to me had other ideas. She's a superflexible person who takes a lot of classes at the gym. I know nothing about her, and to be honest, I don't want to know anything about her, but today, she decided that the class wasn't going fast enough for her, so while we were in a cross-legged position, breathing, she was doing a vinyasa flow - standing, bending over, upward and downward dog, warrior I and II etc...

We were a class of thirty or so, and she was the only one off on her own. I tried to block it out, focus, to become one with my mat, but I failed.

I know there is a lesson here for me. I wanted badly to tell this woman that she sucked, that despite being able to fold up in ways that I will never achieve, she has no clue what yoga is about.

I know that it is pointless to tell her off, but I wanted to anyway.

This is that 9:30 class where a good percentage leaves ten minutes early to catch another class that starts at 10:40. It was no surprise to hear her roll her mat up while we were doing a back bend.

I also felt bad for the teacher, who to her credit, ignored her.

Next time, I'll do the same.

The power of yoga can turn...

against you if you aren't careful.

I've had a nagging groin injury that has kept me off the squash court for two months. Two years ago I had a back injury that kept me off the court for a year. Prior to these two incidences, I'd never been out for more than a week or so.


Yoga has played a role in these injuries.

Of course old age and detrioriating muscles are partly to blame too, but in the early days of doing yoga I got swept up in the excitment and pushed myself. I wanted to blast through my edge. I wasn't focused. I didn't listen to my body.


I love taking classes, but I am still not strong enough to ignore everyone else in the class; I know best when I can push myself or not, but until I can check my ego at the door and do what I need, I will continue to face nagging injuries.

March 26, 2007
I'm in revolved triangle, one of several dreaded postures that forces my body to twist and turn in ways it dislikes. Before I entered the asana, I told myself that I hated this posture, that I couldn't do it, that my body wouldn't turn in such a way, that in three years I'd made no improvement, and ten more years wouldn't make a difference either. What chance do I have of breaking this pattern with thoughts like this?

I had my new novel out to several agents in the past three months. I thought positively. Each day I checked email and the post box in search of good news. When I sell this book, I told myself, everything comes good. It will be validation for all the hard work and sacrifice; but deep inside my head, ran another narrative -- what if I don't sell the book, then what? Must I suffer? Will I be eternally unhappy? Does it mean I suck at writing?

In that story, the answer was yes, yes, and yes. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that without external validation I must have no talent, and therefore I will be forever unhappy. And what was worse, I applied this way of thinking to much of my life.

I would say:

When I _____, I can be happy.

It didn't matter how I filled in the blank:

get a promotion
buy a new carw
in the lottery
lose weight

No matter what it was, soon after I got it, I'd find new reasons for unhappiness. Sound familiar?
Now I'm trying to break that pattern.In yoga, when this all too familiar discomfort arises in revolved triangle: the burning in my hips, the pain in the lower back, the awkward sense of being off-balance, I now try to eliminate the story that runs in my head. Instead of labeling these sensations with pain, or finding a reason why I must pull out of the posture, I work to stay in the moment. I am observant, aware, present and undivided. With a neutral mind, I hold postures longer. It allows me to unshackle the very limitations that I alone have established.

If I could keep that same observant, non-judgmental mind when a short story is rejected by a magazine, or the novel by an agent, I'd have a better shot at recognizing ways to move forward with a rewrite or new marketing options. This doesn't mean that I'm passive; on the contrary, by not wasting energy on unnecessary emotional diversions, I can focus on what really counts. My mind is free to find creative solutions, tapping into energy that was once squandered on emotional spirals.

My neutral mind creates possibilities.

Fabric Bliss

Relax and Renew -- for only three-hundred bucks...




Last month's Yoga Journal was as thick as a phone book, chocker block with adverts from clothing, food, workshop and accessory companies. There's nothing unethical with making money through yoga, but as I flipped through the magazine, the line between editorial and advertising began to blur. For me, that's a problem. In yoga, that line should be razor sharp.

Here's an excerpt from the Lounge About column:

Rest is essential to every yoga practice. Unfortunately, many of us find it difficult to slow down….This week, set aside time to light a candle, get comfortable, relax and renew.

All quite reasonable until you get to the bullet points:

Wrap up -- Restore the goodness in you with a flowing cardigan wrap by Eileen Fisher ($158), layered over this stretch silk jersey ($78).

Stretch Out -- There's nothing cozier than snuggling into a good pair of sweats. If you want the warmth, but not the frump, try the silky-soft Benessere Pant by File ($65).

There's no legal or ethical boundary broken here -- Rolling Stone has portrayed rock stars in fashionable brand named clothing (with price tags) for years, but this isn’t rock and roll. Yoga is about the body, mind and spirit. The commercial side of Yoga, all too often tugs participants toward fashion and fitness. The subliminal message is:

Look good and you'll feel good. And you'll feel better much faster by buying these cool looking clothes and accessories.

That relax-and-renew outfit will set a person back over three hundred dollars. The average person must work double-overtime, or keep a stressful, high powered job, to attain this state of fabric bliss. Or maybe the spouse puts in the hours -- odds are, if that's the case, there's going to be trouble in that marriage soon enough. The point is, nobody needs a three-hundred dollar outfit to relax, but when Yoga Journal suggests it, people think that's the short cut to enlightenment.

Ninety percent of Yoga Journal's audience is women. There's even an article this month about why men don't take yoga. That story was full of clichés -- men are overly competitive; women are nurturing and more spiritual by nature. I had no idea women have a greater predisposition towards spirituality. Is that because they lack abilities in science and math?

Yesterday I took the 9:30 yoga class. It's one of my club's most popular. It's always jammed with women, and this time, there was only one other guy. Some of the women were dressed in simple, comfortable attire, but there were several in those outfits you see advertised in Yoga Journal. Towards the end of class, women started rolling up mats. It was especially disturbing when it continued during Savasna, the last posture, when one is supposed to rest quietly to process what took place during class.

Afterwards, at the front desk, I looked into Studio B. Many of the women from yoga were in that Jazzercise session. They'd left yoga to get to that on time. For them, yoga is simply another exercise class in a daily fitness regimen. There's nothing wrong with that, but clearly the spiritual side of yoga is not what has drawn them to the practice. And from the adverts in Yoga Journal, it seems that much of the audience doesn't rate spirituality high either…

yoga journal

I just got the lasest issue in the mail.

It's almost as thick as a phone book.

It's chockerblock filled with adds -- organic supplements, yoga classes, accessories, clothing --

Yoga is more popular than ever, but it's not the gear and gadgets that will further your practice, it's time on the mat.