On The Mat

Yoga Buffet

2010-10-24T17:10:00.003-04:00

I’ve probably taken a thousand classes or so in the seven years I’ve done yoga, but I’ve never belonged to a pure yoga place. Not anymore, I joined the new yoga center in Westport - Kaia.

I’ve taken classes at such venues, so I had an idea of what they were like, but until you have access to the depth and frequency of classes only a specialist center can offer, you don’t realize how quickly your practice improves.

I’m at a yoga buffet with the ability to sample as much as I want. I’ve taken Iyengar, Yin, and Vinyasa style classes, at the basic and intermediate levels. In some ways, I get more out of the basic, because that beginners mind allows me to fine-tune postures. For example, I’m now have my pinkies off the mat in downward dog. The widening of my hand placement opened my shoulders, making it easier to experience this as a resting posture. Before, early in a session, Dog was difficult and painful to hold.

But the most important progress made to date has been mentally, the ability to quiet the mind. The trick is to replicate that focus outside of class. It’s what enables me to wear many hats, from writer, to executive, to musician, lover, friend, or yogi.

Less is More

2010-09-12T16:27:00.000-04:00

A yoga center opened by my house and I took them up on their opening offer, 30 days for 30 bucks. To date, most of my yoga has been within the gym environment. The only time I’ve been in a proper studio is when I travel. This week felt as if I was on the road.

I’ve had great experiences at my gym and I’ve learned a lot from the teachers there, but the class schedule is spotty. Now I’ve got a buffet of options and times, often 2-3 different types of classes at once. It’s an embarrassment of riches.

I’ve gone 7 days in a row, at various times, depending on my work day. On Wednesday I was going to take an intermediate vinyasa class, but it was packed, and I wasn’t feeling energetic. I opted for the basic class. Turned out I was the only one and got a private class -- so much for feeling lethargic. I worked so hard, but I learned a ton by focusing on the basics. I was a beginner again and broke bad habits.

I’ve been doing yoga for seven years now, but for the past two, I took far fewer classes. The time away forced me to slow down and to modify. I now get more out yoga doing less; I avoid injury too. In my early days, I pushed hard, mostly out of ego to prove that I could keep up with everyone. Now it doesn’t matter where the rest of the class is, I’m listening to my body, I’m paying attention, I’m present.

I’m not sure what I’ll do after this sampler package runs its course, but for now, I’m enjoying the banquet and often get up for seconds.

Still at it....

2008-09-28T18:08:00.001-04:00

Almost five years now and still practicing.

Don't write much about it here on this blog, but I'm still at it, but I've slowed down my progress -- several injuries have humbled me. I'm not so keen to push myself, I'm much better at listening to my body and ignoring everyone else. I'm learning that the journey is what counts...

The Substitute...

2007-11-15T21:41:00.000-05:00

Expectations.

I show up for a class expecting a certain type of experience depending on the teacher, but when the teacher is absent, it's pot luck because the substitute does his or her own thing.

I'm cool with that, ready to go with the flow, to embrace the unexpected, but not everyone is so keen.

Today we had a teacher who takes a slow build to the class. I prefer that because it takes my body time to warm up, but the woman next to me had other ideas. She's a superflexible person who takes a lot of classes at the gym. I know nothing about her, and to be honest, I don't want to know anything about her, but today, she decided that the class wasn't going fast enough for her, so while we were in a cross-legged position, breathing, she was doing a vinyasa flow - standing, bending over, upward and downward dog, warrior I and II etc...

We were a class of thirty or so, and she was the only one off on her own. I tried to block it out, focus, to become one with my mat, but I failed.

I know there is a lesson here for me. I wanted badly to tell this woman that she sucked, that despite being able to fold up in ways that I will never achieve, she has no clue what yoga is about.

I know that it is pointless to tell her off, but I wanted to anyway.

This is that 9:30 class where a good percentage leaves ten minutes early to catch another class that starts at 10:40. It was no surprise to hear her roll her mat up while we were doing a back bend.

I also felt bad for the teacher, who to her credit, ignored her.

Next time, I'll do the same.

The power of yoga can turn...

2007-05-17T08:34:00.000-04:00

against you if you aren't careful.

I've had a nagging groin injury that has kept me off the squash court for two months. Two years ago I had a back injury that kept me off the court for a year. Prior to these two incidences, I'd never been out for more than a week or so.

Yoga has played a role in these injuries.

Of course old age and detrioriating muscles are partly to blame too, but in the early days of doing yoga I got swept up in the excitment and pushed myself. I wanted to blast through my edge. I wasn't focused. I didn't listen to my body.

I love taking classes, but I am still not strong enough to ignore everyone else in the class; I know best when I can push myself or not, but until I can check my ego at the door and do what I need, I will continue to face nagging injuries.

2007-03-25T23:03:00.000-04:00

March 26, 2007
I'm in revolved triangle, one of several dreaded postures that forces my body to twist and turn in ways it dislikes. Before I entered the asana, I told myself that I hated this posture, that I couldn't do it, that my body wouldn't turn in such a way, that in three years I'd made no improvement, and ten more years wouldn't make a difference either. What chance do I have of breaking this pattern with thoughts like this?

I had my new novel out to several agents in the past three months. I thought positively. Each day I checked email and the post box in search of good news. When I sell this book, I told myself, everything comes good. It will be validation for all the hard work and sacrifice; but deep inside my head, ran another narrative -- what if I don't sell the book, then what? Must I suffer? Will I be eternally unhappy? Does it mean I suck at writing?

In that story, the answer was yes, yes, and yes. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that without external validation I must have no talent, and therefore I will be forever unhappy. And what was worse, I applied this way of thinking to much of my life.

I would say:

When I _____, I can be happy.

It didn't matter how I filled in the blank:

get a promotion
buy a new carw
in the lottery
lose weight

No matter what it was, soon after I got it, I'd find new reasons for unhappiness. Sound familiar?
Now I'm trying to break that pattern.In yoga, when this all too familiar discomfort arises in revolved triangle: the burning in my hips, the pain in the lower back, the awkward sense of being off-balance, I now try to eliminate the story that runs in my head. Instead of labeling these sensations with pain, or finding a reason why I must pull out of the posture, I work to stay in the moment. I am observant, aware, present and undivided. With a neutral mind, I hold postures longer. It allows me to unshackle the very limitations that I alone have established.

If I could keep that same observant, non-judgmental mind when a short story is rejected by a magazine, or the novel by an agent, I'd have a better shot at recognizing ways to move forward with a rewrite or new marketing options. This doesn't mean that I'm passive; on the contrary, by not wasting energy on unnecessary emotional diversions, I can focus on what really counts. My mind is free to find creative solutions, tapping into energy that was once squandered on emotional spirals.

My neutral mind creates possibilities.

Fabric Bliss

2007-01-28T22:27:00.000-05:00

Relax and Renew -- for only three-hundred bucks...

Last month's Yoga Journal was as thick as a phone book, chocker block with adverts from clothing, food, workshop and accessory companies. There's nothing unethical with making money through yoga, but as I flipped through the magazine, the line between editorial and advertising began to blur. For me, that's a problem. In yoga, that line should be razor sharp.

Here's an excerpt from the Lounge About column:

Rest is essential to every yoga practice. Unfortunately, many of us find it difficult to slow down….This week, set aside time to light a candle, get comfortable, relax and renew.

All quite reasonable until you get to the bullet points:

Wrap up -- Restore the goodness in you with a flowing cardigan wrap by Eileen Fisher ($158), layered over this stretch silk jersey ($78).

Stretch Out -- There's nothing cozier than snuggling into a good pair of sweats. If you want the warmth, but not the frump, try the silky-soft Benessere Pant by File ($65).

There's no legal or ethical boundary broken here -- Rolling Stone has portrayed rock stars in fashionable brand named clothing (with price tags) for years, but this isn’t rock and roll. Yoga is about the body, mind and spirit. The commercial side of Yoga, all too often tugs participants toward fashion and fitness. The subliminal message is:

Look good and you'll feel good. And you'll feel better much faster by buying these cool looking clothes and accessories.

That relax-and-renew outfit will set a person back over three hundred dollars. The average person must work double-overtime, or keep a stressful, high powered job, to attain this state of fabric bliss. Or maybe the spouse puts in the hours -- odds are, if that's the case, there's going to be trouble in that marriage soon enough. The point is, nobody needs a three-hundred dollar outfit to relax, but when Yoga Journal suggests it, people think that's the short cut to enlightenment.

Ninety percent of Yoga Journal's audience is women. There's even an article this month about why men don't take yoga. That story was full of clichés -- men are overly competitive; women are nurturing and more spiritual by nature. I had no idea women have a greater predisposition towards spirituality. Is that because they lack abilities in science and math?

Yesterday I took the 9:30 yoga class. It's one of my club's most popular. It's always jammed with women, and this time, there was only one other guy. Some of the women were dressed in simple, comfortable attire, but there were several in those outfits you see advertised in Yoga Journal. Towards the end of class, women started rolling up mats. It was especially disturbing when it continued during Savasna, the last posture, when one is supposed to rest quietly to process what took place during class.

Afterwards, at the front desk, I looked into Studio B. Many of the women from yoga were in that Jazzercise session. They'd left yoga to get to that on time. For them, yoga is simply another exercise class in a daily fitness regimen. There's nothing wrong with that, but clearly the spiritual side of yoga is not what has drawn them to the practice. And from the adverts in Yoga Journal, it seems that much of the audience doesn't rate spirituality high either…

yoga journal

2007-01-19T18:31:00.000-05:00

I just got the lasest issue in the mail.

It's almost as thick as a phone book.

It's chockerblock filled with adds -- organic supplements, yoga classes, accessories, clothing --

Yoga is more popular than ever, but it's not the gear and gadgets that will further your practice, it's time on the mat.

Distance traveled....

2006-12-29T20:37:00.000-05:00

We had small class the other night and the instructor had us choose our own postures throughout the class. The one hitch, she'd say -- standing hip opener -- choose anyone...standing twist...inversion...shoulder opener...

We had to come up with what posture within that category we wanted to do. It was amazing how it froze most of the class. I do a lot of yoga on my own, so I was comfortable moving through a variety of options. I might not know the names of all the them, or every benefit each might have, but I know enough hip openers, twists, etc -- to select a number of options.

It made me realize how far I've come.

I played someone in squash the other day and they were having some issues with their back. They asked me for a few yoga suggesstions. I started him with something very simple, child's pose.

He was so tight, he couldn't get into the posture. His legs and torso just wouldn't settle down. I don't think I was ever quite that tight, but my body has changed a lot since I began practicing. Seeing him struggle made me realize how far I've come. And yet, I've got a long way to go with some of the very basics. Still it's nice to see the progress.

New teachers...

2006-12-04T10:05:00.000-05:00

Although I take yoga at a gym, this club has assembled and excellent collection of teachers. How do I know?

When I've attended classes at Omega, Kripala, or Easalen, I've never felt out of sorts. I felt prepared, as if I've had a solid grounding in a variety of different types. That's a tribute to my teachers here.

Having said that, I love experiecing new classes from new teachers. Yesterday we had a substitute at the club. It was interesting how different this instructor was.

Yoga is infinite. There are many ways to go at it. Breaking habits and experiencing the unfamiliar is all part of the process.

The blurred line between fact and fiction

2006-12-02T10:29:00.001-05:00

Some might not realize that I co-author this blog with Chuck Morgan, the protagonist of my novel – My Year as a Clown. I asked Chuck to do this with me as way to get to know his world better and to understand how he thinks. It also gives me the freedom to push the limits of a variety of subjects because Chuck lives in a much more dynamic world than I do.

“That’s not true,” he said to me.

Chuck is upset that folks might mistake my writing for his, that some would confuse what happens to me with his world.

“At the Fairview Club in Putnam’s Landing,” he had said, “we never have conflicts. We all get along. We know better than to discuss politics and religion.”

That maybe true, I had said to him, but it’s no secret that there have been several clashes on the squash court at Fairview. You can hear shouting on the court a lot; once the club manager had to break up a fight. Certain players carry grudges. Some refuse to play others. They might smile sweetly, but there’s lots of talk behind the back.

“We have the good sense not to confront members with our issues,” Chuck said. “If I’ve got a problem with someone, I’m certainly not going to say anything to him.”

“But you’ll talk to others at the club.”

“I might,” he admitted. “But they have the good sense to keep their mouth shut.”

“That’s nonsense,” I replied. “Everyone there knows who dislikes whom.”

“Just do me a favor,” Chuck said.

“What?”

“Let me do this blog. You keep out of it.”

“I can’t do that,” I told him. “We have to do it together. This blog is part you, part me. Some of it might be true, some might not. That’s the beauty of fiction. We aren’t shackled by the facts. That’s why I didn’t write Clown as a memoir.”

“That’s your stupidity,” he said. “Everyone knows you could have sold that book last year if you had called it a memoir.”

“But then I would have had to stick to the facts. It wouldn’t have given me the flexibility to explode situations to make a point. The book wouldn’t be nearly as good. This blog wouldn’t be as interesting either.”

“Good, schmood,” he said. “It’s about making money. If you’d had any guts, you could have made it all up and still called it a memoir”

Thanks, Chuck, I’ll give that some thought the next time I’m on the mat…

Where there’s smoke there’s fire…

2006-11-30T20:49:00.000-05:00

Several squash players at the club read this blog and got upset over what I’d written.

I was amazed. I didn’t think anyone other than my mother had read it. I haven’t pushed On the Mat even though it’s on the web for anyone to read. You have to work to find it. I don’t post regularly. I write it for myself.

That posting was mostly about me and how when the competitive juices start flowing, I can unravel. Many athletes have this challenge – look at Jeremy Shockey.

But he’s a professional. I play squash for fun, and the match referenced in that posting wasn’t.

I’d spoken directly with that player immediately after the game. He apologized and said that he meant that comment as a complement. He’s a nice guy, but he’s got a temper on the court; and what was most unnerving about it, was that I saw myself in his anger. That was what my last posting was all about.

The story of what transpired during that match took on a whole new dimension at the club: what I said, what he said. It’s not worth trying to set the record straight here.

The point of the posting was the fact that I needed to address how I react under pressure during competition. Now the question is: how do I react now that a bunch of guys at the squash club are up in arms?

My knee-jerk reaction is to drop out of the ladder. But it might be good to stay on. I desperately need the exercise and now that I’ve worked my way up to the 2nd group, I’ll get challenging games. Most I’ll probably lose, and that’s okay. I need the cardio and the practice of being put under pressure. This isn’t meant to be disrespectful to players in group 3 and 4, but for the most part, there’s a huge gap between two and three.

The same can be said at the top of the ladder. There are 3 or 4 guys so good; I rarely can win a game off of them, let alone a match.

But I am sorry for the guy that I played, because it appears as if I’ve singled him out here. That wasn’t my intention, and I will apologize. I truly never thought anyone from the club read this. My guess is, most haven’t, but that won’t prevent them from having an opinion about it. Besides, Chuck Morgan helps me write this and often we take his experience and blend it -- that was the whole purpose of the two blogs on blogger.com -- to push the envelope,blur fact and fiction. Sometimes that edge cuts; in this case, it cut both ways...

I guess that’s the way these things work…

Competition brings out the best and worst in me...

2006-11-25T20:05:00.000-05:00

I've returned to playing squash competitively.

I'm on a ladder at the club where I do yoga. At one point I was one of the top ten players in the area. I was injured and have only just returned to action. I'm working my way back up. I normally played in the first and second groups. I started this year in group four and killed everyone. The same is happening this month in group three.

I'm trying to not squash folks in this bracket. Most of these players don't have good technique, but some are fit and try to make up for it by running wild about the court and hitting the ball as hard as possible. I try to keep it in play so that the game doesn't end too fast.

Today a young man beat me in the first game 9-6. He chased everything down. He hit very hard. I didn't want to push myself early. I was learning his game and would make adjustments so that I could win but not expose myself to his wide swing (lots of folks get hit hard by wide swingers).

As we were about to start the 2nd game he said, "I was told to be scared of you. I thought it would be great just to get a few points. Now that I've taken one game off you, I want more."

There was a glint in his eyes, and he was licking his chops.

I was taken back by the comment. I forgot about how competitive it can get on the ladder.

I started to steam and proceeded to pound him 9-1. I took the next one 9-2.

In the fourth I let up. To his credit he kept fighting, but also, he was cursing every time he made a bad shot. He threw his racket several times too. He was having trouble because I was controlling the points and forcing him into errors.

I just wanted the match to end so I could get off the court and go into yoga. His vibe really bummed me out.

I'm thinking about dropping off the ladder now. But maybe I need to confront this head on. Part of what disturb me today was the fact that his actions affected me so. I was angry at his comments. I should have just let it all flow through me.

I didn't play my best squash today. I let someone drag me down to their level and that's never a good idea. I wonder how yoga can help...

Keep the mouse in the barn...

2006-11-03T18:34:00.000-05:00

I've been sick this week, but I've managed a little yoga.

Today was my first class in awhile. I was focused inward, my mind was quiet, I had a great session and hardly noticed anyone around me.

At the end of class, the instructor said, there's no easy way to say this, but for the gentlemen in the room (of which there were three), please keep the mouse in the barn.

There was a murmur across the studio floor, I hadn't heard what she said, and I guess others hadn't either, because she repeated it.

There was silence and folks started rolling up their mats. I had no idea what she said, but I knew there was a one in three chance she was talking to me. Had I checked out some girls boobs inadvertently, had I farted, or did I have excessive BO? I didn't know.

In the hall I asked a friend of mine, a woman in her early sixties. She laughed. "The guy across the way," she said, "his balls were hanging out when we were in shoulder stand."

The mouse in the barn.

I was just relieved it had nothing to do with me.

Injured

2006-10-11T09:17:00.000-04:00

Last year I hurt my back. My inexperience with yoga, pushing too hard in class, was a contributing factor. Monday I tweaked it again carrying my cats to the vet, then I went straight on to the squash court. One is suppossed to live and learn, I do mostly living.

But now I'm using yoga to restore my back. I'm doing passive postures, allowing my body to release with the use of gravity. I'm not taking classes.

Listening to my body is a key component to a successful practice -- all too often I hear my body talking but don't understand what it's saying.

Aches and pains, tension, tightness, it's the body's means of communication. Understanding this language is a part of yoga, it's something I need to spend more time learning. This injury presents an excellent opportunity to make some progress. When the body is screaming for attention, it's alot easier to hear what its saying.

Yielding....

2006-09-29T22:22:00.000-04:00

I completed my first week of classes...

I feel grounded, relaxed, focused.

This week one of my instructors talked of yielding -- of allowing gravity to do its work. To trust the ground to carry your weight. Often in standing positions my feet grab, the ankles tense up, the toes arch. Yielding takes the activity out of the muscles, but it's not a slouch either -- there's alignment, posture, breath, most important, there's the presence, the awareness of being in that moment of stillness.

Too often I'm tight, or thinking about where I'm going after class.

This week I found a brief respite of quiet, I rediscovered my mat.

tired and weak, but...

2006-09-25T13:58:00.000-04:00

I'm back home and took a class this morning, my first in 8 days.

I paid for missing classes last week -- my shoulders were screaming in downward dog, my legs ached and arms sagged in warrior 1 and 2; let's not talk about 3. Yikes.

But by the end of class, my body began to respond the way I recall it doing ages ago -- at a time when I was taking classes daily.

That seems like such a long time ago -- and it was -- mid-July.

I have no excuses for my lack of consistency. I managed what I could, and now that I'm back, I'll find my way to the mat as much as possible.

A daily practice takes many forms -- yoga is not just a physical experience. having compassion for myself is one way I know I'm getting stronger...

maybe this time off is an important part of my journey.

no mat - no class

2006-09-21T09:39:00.000-04:00

but my spirit and focus is strong...

hotel room yoga, finding space between two beds for downward dog -- a spinal twist in a desk chair, a forward bend in the shower -- it hasn't been an ideal yoga week here in North Carolina -- i've made three failed attempts to hit a class, but tonight I am determined to make the 5:45 session at Triangle Yoga, just north of the UNC campus.

while i write pool side, i breathe, i sit up straight in my chair, i gently turn right, i turn left. I rotate shoulders up, down, i shake my head yes and no...

i'll be home soon and back into a routine -- in the meantime my intent is to keep focus despite the lack of a consistent 90 minute physical practice...

A friend sent this the other day:

Main Entry: yogue
Pronunciation: 'yOgFunction: verbEtymology: Sanskrit/Middle French hybrid. Sanskrit, literally, yoking, from yunakti he yokes. French -gue verb form
1 archaic : to dance in a primitive, tribal style2 a : to participate in the practice of yoga: b : to maintain a steadying of the fluctuations of the mind3 : to socialize in a strenuous fashion
- yo·gic /-gik/ adjective, often capitalized

voodoo and haiti

2006-09-05T22:03:00.000-04:00

I'm off to the poorest country in the western hemisphere, haiti.

The government might be messed up beyond belief, but there's a spirit there that cannot be denied.

I'll be working on a variety of writing projects. Although I won't get much time to work on my physical practice during this trip, I'll have plenty of time to work on the spiritual side. Getting to meet locals and see how various relief programs work down there will be quite enlightening.

and it should put in perspective the petty issues i complain about here in westport, ct...

i'll be back late saturday night -- until then...

namaste

back in class

2006-09-03T22:07:00.000-04:00

it was great to return to my home base for a couple of yoga classes.

and it was cool to connect with friends i hadn't seen in awhile.

i was surprised actually that folks had noticed i wasn't there. lots of people asked where i'd been and wanted to know what was happening. it felt like home, and that's a nice feeling.

i'm off to haiti on wednesday -- doubt i'll be taking a yoga class there, but i'll do some asannas in my room.

No Mat...

2006-08-28T10:17:00.000-04:00

A friend tried to post this the other day...

"Yoga is all about you and your mat..." I would have agreed with you wholeheartedly Bob, had I not this very day attended a studio operated by a great teacher here in Seattle, Katerina at Yogiway. (www.yogiway.com) She has dispensed with mats, and says that she believes we are constrained by the mat. The class had me somewhat disorientated, and there was a tendency to float around the space but I could sense that I was liberated from something. Her entire floor is padded to the depth of a little more than two regular mats. It feels very comfortable and very safe, although you do feel that if another practitioner were to stray in your direction you have no right to exclude them or any artificial boundary to indicate 'your space.' She mops up and sanitizes after every class. I have clung to my mat, and the Ashtanga rug that covers it as representing the place where I do my practice and take care of myself, but after today I wonder if its only real value is as the sponge for my sweat.

Vermont Mountain Air...

2006-08-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

Woke up in Middlebury, Vermont, at the Bread Loaf writers' conference. They've got a yoga class scheduled for 5:30 tomorrow, so I'm on my own until then.

I woke up at 7, the air was cool and crisp, but as the sun came up over the verdant hills, the heat warmed my body. After three sun salutations, off came my sweat shirt. I only did a forty minute routine, but it felt great to be outside.

The air was still, all i could hear was the sound of my breath and heart...

----
Earlier this week I got to take a class with someone I'd met at SummerSongs -- it was great to share a class with her. I think it inspired her to seek out more once she gets home.

Yoga is all about you and your mat, but sometimes it's nice to have someone next to you that you care about... i don't know how real yogis feel about that, but it works for me...

Drifting from the mat...

2006-08-13T15:07:00.000-04:00

Three weeks on the road and my routine is out of whack.

Although I'm not trained as a teacher, I taught yoga at summarizing last week. It's quite challenging to lead a class. I know just enough to get me in trouble, so leading a class could be dangerous, but I've taken close to a thousand classes over the past three years and so I know enough keep the class simple even if it means losing the more experienced.

Several folks were surprised to learn that I wasn't certified, and I must admit, I did enjoy leading these sessions. Although I don't get the work out of taking a class, I get to experience yoga from the other side and when I return to being a student again, I' ll have new insight into the practice.

I'm trying hard to do a little for myself each day, but the pace of being on the road and socializing does hinder this ability.

I'm off to Vermont now where there the occasional class will be offered. I can't wait to take a full session again, to leisurely work through a complete ninety minutes.

Until then, I'll do my best to challenge myself.

Namaste.

rsw

not enough

2006-08-04T22:40:00.000-04:00

i'm breathing but not doing enough yoga -- my output has dropped off dramatically since I stopped taking classes.

i'm leading sessions at SummerSongs this week, so I'll get in some decent time on the mat...

i need to do better...

it's never too hot

2006-08-02T10:34:00.000-04:00

but...

and since I dropped out of the yoga club for the month because I'm away so much, it's a struggle to get on my mat this week.

i've had my moments of quiet.

yesterday it was 103 -- i saw two fights -- one at the stop and shop -- a woman and man were in line at the check out screaming at one another. A customer was in line at the post office yelling at the clerk, or was it the other way around.

the heat adds pressure, but yoga, even just breathing, can cool things down...

so even when I'm not on the mat, I'm there...

yoga excursion

2006-07-27T07:32:00.000-04:00

Took a class last night at the Sewannee Community Center with about ten others from the writers' conference (only women from the conference came). But the teacher was a guy and he was very experienced -- had taught for forty years, and he had the confidence to push the class, but many thought he pushed too hard, and I agree.

Perhaps he was just thrilled to have a roomful of new students (some quite advanced), but he had us in positions like head stand, and most teachers would never go there with a class full of new students.

He instructed us to keep our eyes shut for most postures to allow us to focus inward, and I like that, but he would swing by and assist us, and he pushed the woman next to me too far, and she was upset (rightly so, and she's a yoga instructor).

Yoga is about leaving your ego at the door, but often the biggest ego in the room is the instructor. Yoga has taught me humility, but I still struggle with that because I often think I'm hot shit, the smartest guy in the room.

Even here at Sewannee where virtually everyone has an advanced degree in English, I sometimes feel superior. I work harder than most and I think I know more about the real world. I believe I have more courage to write truth.

Since I have no life outside of my writing at the moment, I probably do work harder than most, but how could I possible know what these people have experienced? How could I know anything about their truths or their ability to capture it in words?

It's clear I have much still to learn.

Ego

2006-07-22T06:33:00.000-04:00

A Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award author told me at dinner last night that he's been teaching for over twenty-years at workshops like this and he's only come across 3-4 real writers. He said I was number five...

I've been writing full-time for eight years and been rejected hundreds of times. I just completed my third novel and I still don't have an agent, so hearing something like that, was most gratifying.

I have no idea what the implications are, but my ego started strutted it's stuff.

I'm not advanced enough in my practice to contain it, but at some point, I did get a leash on it. Still, it kept me up most of the night, and here I am at 5 am writing (I'm on central time, but this documents on eastern).

Of course when I returned to my room last night, there was a rejection email from the New York Time's Modern Love department -- I'd written a piece based on my new novel -- so no matter how big my ego balloons, there's always something around the corner to burst it.

One day I'll be able to keep that damn thing in a shoe box under the bed...until then I must remember how humbling my first two years of doing yoga were

The Yoga Snob

2006-07-21T02:04:00.000-04:00

I'm at the Sewanee Writers' Conference and those into yoga are finding one another.

Rumor has it there's a class at a community center in town and some of us will try to make that. One woman I met said she's doing it in her room (like me), but she isn't pushing herself, so we might get together, then I found out a woman here wrote a book about going to India and studying with Iyengar, one of the big wigs. It would be the pop music equivalent of studying with Paul McCartney in Liverpool.

i thought that was so cool so I asked her if she'd like to lead a few of us fledglings in a session -- or join us at the community center -- she said she couldn't, that she teaches privately and charges a lot of money for that, the thought of the community center seemed to pain her, but she did offer to be in a room with us, each doing our own thing, with the rule that there'd be no talking...

hey, whatever, but yoga isn't just about excelling in postures, it's about finding calm in yourself, it's about letting go of ego and humility. Maybe i just don't get it because i'm not advanced enough -- but you know what, if I'd had the chance to study with fucking Budha, I'd still be up for a session with the local Sewanee community center because the wisdom of the world might just be underneath a stone in the most backward of locations -- and i'm willing to bet Budha knew that too...

smoke and in-line at the rental car

2006-07-17T11:28:00.000-04:00

no class today, but...

on the plane i did a bit, and then in the very long line at the budget car rental, i did a few poses, mountain to start, concentrating on the breathing...

the guy behind was fuming because the guy behind him was yakking on a cell phone -- giving his secretary an earful over what, who cares --

i did a few deep forward bends, i twisted to the right, and to the left -- the line was taking forever, but it didn't matter because my mind was quiet...

now i'm at the hotel trying to sort out a few things -- it was great to be able to check in early -- even scored a little breakfast in the lounge -- but the lounge reeked of cigarettes -- it's a bar at night, complimentary breakfast in the morning...

smoking is still allowed here in restaurants -- it's quite a shock when you aren't used to it -- man, it stunk...

but the people are nice -- now if they could just get the tobacco lobby to chill...

on the road with the mat...

2006-07-16T22:15:00.000-04:00

i took my last class today at home...

now the challenge will be to keep the practice up while I'm in Tennesee...

i've got my mat, but there's lots of places you can do yoga, even in the plane, so there really is no excuse...

but it's amazing how many I can come up with

the ammachi

2006-07-14T21:58:00.000-04:00

The Hugging Saint was in NYC this weekend and I went down for my annual hug.

It's my fourth year, and each trip is a unique experience...

I must confess that I'm a healthy sceptic, but there's no doubt this woman has a prescence that's undeniable. I felt it most today when she and her retinue (posse?) entered the builiding. The place went silent, and there was the jingle of bells, a bit of chanting from her crew, the air suddenly washed over me and and I felt a comfort that made me totally relaxed, as if i was home on a sunday with the paper and fire going...

I have a friend who travels in her inner circle and that's created an interesting window into her operation. Her outreach grows more powerful each year and her ability to help the poor and needy is impressive - how she hugs thousands a day I still don't understand -- she hardly sleeps, she doesn't eat much either --

there's defintely something powerful about her -- what it is, I still don't know, but it's worth seeing for yourself -- she'll be in NY over this weekend and then up to Boston. There's a link on this site to hers ...

I'll write more about my experience this week on my web site...

competition -- does winning matter?

2006-07-13T21:37:00.000-04:00

Since I started doing yoga I haven't had as much hunger to win -- I'm playing tennis and squash and I love the dance of a good point, i like the focus and demands on my stamina -- but I don't have that killer instinct required to win...

it doesn't really matter when you're just out there having fun, but as you progress in a competitive sport, the intensity ratchets up -- winning requires a take no prisoners attitude -- you can't get rattled by unsportsmanship either -- the world cup head butting is a great example -- at that level -- you can not allow the opposition to get in your head like that -- it is unprofessional --yes, he could have really hurt that guy, but what he ended up doing was hurting his team because he lost his focus, his cool, he allowed that guy to get into his head --

professional athletes are constantly looking for any advantage they can get -- if taunting works, and it's allowed in the rules, it's fair game...

i used to thrive in that environment and I still enjoy a good battle now and then, but my struggle now is an internal fight, it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing -- on the mat is all that matters to me anymore...

wednesday rain

2006-07-12T13:17:00.000-04:00

i'm not sure this summer is ever going to dry out, and this humidity does cause me to sweat more and that makes the mat slippery.

but that forces me to focus more -- to keep my mind quiet and alert, to make sure my breathing is consistent, my alignment in order, my grounding solid...

too often i'm somewhere else when i'm on my mat, but when it's slip and slide, i can't afford to drift out of the room, i must stay in the moment, be present...

and ultimately, that's much of what yoga is suppossed to do for you...

so let it rain...

Two classes today

2006-07-10T21:06:00.000-04:00

I ended going to an evening class with a friend i hadn't seen in awhile.

I'd already done a morning session and rode my bike so i used this evening as a restorative class.

i focused on breathing and relaxing -- i had a busy day -- submitting two short stories to my editor -- the stories are going to West Magazine -- which is overseen by Amy Tan -- so it's a pretty big deal for me to get these right...

anyway -- class this evening was good
the instructor has come along way from the first classes she taught over a year ago -- she's an interesting person and for awhile she and i hung out -- nothing ever happened there -- nor would it, she was married, but it was an odd connection that at some point i need to explore more in my writing...

okay enough

namaste

Yoga and the bicycle

2006-07-10T13:02:00.000-04:00

I rode to yoga class today instead of taking my car.

It's a great warm up, and it's a nice way to wind down on the way back. I circle by the beach and take in the sea air.

Whenever I'm on my bike, I feel like a kid again, the way I was, when the bike was my only mode of transportation.

They say yoga can recapture that youthful spirit, in conjunction with other activities, it's even more powerful. This morning i could have sworn it was 1968...

the good and bad of sundays

2006-07-09T17:29:00.000-04:00

I take a variety of classes from different instructors. They're all good and i like the change.

Sunday is my earliest class -- 9:30

I prefer 10:45 because that gives me a few hours of writing before I go -- typically i do nothing but read the paper before the sunday class.

Sundays usually has the most men, and i like that. not that i have anything against being the only guy in a class, which is typical during the week, but there's something about the mixed energy that works for me.

the male/female -- balance -- ying/yang is interesting for lots of reasons...

I wrote about this in my new novel -- most guys assumed i was either gay or trying to hit up on chicks, when they saw me with my yoga mat.

i've taken classes for well over two years now and I've never hit upon anyone in class -- in my book, Chuck has taken the same position on the matter, and one of his friends tells him that this is his fundamental problem

he says -- chuck could stand in a brothel with a hundred-dollar bill plastered to his forehead and he'd still not get laid...

Yoga Journal this month has in big letters on the cover -- Sex and Yoga...

Please -- crass-comercialism --

but i still enjoy reading magazine even though most of it's written for a female audience.

and that's the view this sunday in early July...

Why I'm Doing This

2006-07-08T21:56:00.000-04:00

I'm about to go on the road for six weeks and I'm afraid that I won't get on the mat.

The commitment to write about what happens there is another way I can get myself to it.

Often I find that to be the hardest part of my practice, but once I'm there, I'm there.

I take five to six classes a week, sometimes I take two in a day, and I've been doing this for almost three years now.

I'm amazed that I stuck at it because I went into to it with mixed motivations, not all as pure as I'd care to admit. I've written about it in my new novel, and I'll talk more about that when appropriate.

For the moment, it's about the me on the mat and tomorrow I'm shooting for the 9:30 class at my local yoga center.

rsw